Last night, millions tuned in to watch the Vice-President Joe Biden and Congressman Paul Ryan square off at Centre College in Danville, KY. Viewer expectations were mixed, with those on the right anxious to get a first look at Paul Ryan’s debating prowess, and viewers on the left wanting to see Biden bring a tougher challenge than the President did in his first debate against challenger Mitt Romney.
What no one expected to see, however, was how the debate played out.
“It was surreal,” said stay-at-home Mom Connie Wilkes, 39, of Lawrence, KS. “I mean, I expected sparks to fly, but not like that.”
Connie is referring to an event at the end of the debate.
Throughout the debate, Biden interrupted the challenger while simultaneously displaying a grin that many saw as condescending. Ryan, in turn, seemed to flounder during the foreign policy section but went on to attack the Obama administration throughout the debate. The two men seemed completely at odds, which is why it was so surprising to millions of Americans when, at the end of the debate, the two contestants began to engage in what many commentators called a “serious make-out session.”
The event began when Biden approached Ryan to shake hands. When the two gripped one another, the sweat still heavy on their brows from the hot lights and the hour spent vigorously at odds with one another, their eyes locked and they stood there, the auditorium still, until Biden reached his free hand up to caress Ryan’s cheek.
In a swift, explosive move that brought Secret Service Agents rushing to the stage, the Republican Congressman threw an arm around the Vice-President’s waist and drew him into a long, passionate kiss.
Following the debate, the two held hands as they ran through the hallways of Centre College, darting this way and that to avoid the media and the Secret Service, before security cameras caught them slipping out through the cafeteria. Once outside, the two hopped onto Biden’s vintage Harley-Davidson motorcycle, where Ryan slipped his arms around Biden’s waist and rested his head on the VP’s shoulder. They drove off into the night.
Their whereabouts are still unknown.
“‘To that Providence, my sons, I hereby commend you, and I counsel you by way of caution to forbear from crossing the moor in those dark hours when the powers of evil are exalted.’”
-Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, The Hound of the Baskervilles
The folklore of the British Isles is filled with its share of things that go bump in the night, but few are as ominous or as frequently sighted as the Black Hounds. Read More
The nation gathered around their television sets last night for the first debate in the 2012 Presidential Election. While the suspected topics of health care, the economy, and Cthulhu took up a large portion of the debate between President Barrack Obama and his challenger, Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney, the surprise topic was PBS.
As part of his strategy to reduce the budget, Romney said: “I’m sorry, Jim. I’m going to the stop the subsidy to PBS. I’m going to stop other things. I like PBS. I love Big Bird. I actually like you, too. But I’m not going to keep on spending money on things to borrow money from China to pay for it.”
Big Bird immediately responded to the statement via Twitter. “Mitt – U no wut I wud luv? Kikin the shit outta u.”
The tweet exploded across the internet, some in support of it, many more coming down on the large avian for what they felt was crude and a direct threat to a Presidential Candidate.
Bird Bird went on live television this morning to address the issue. Speaking with “Today” show host Matt Lauer, the normally docile and friendly bird flew off the handle.
“Who the [censored] does he think he is? I’m [censored] Big Bird. You got that, Mittens? I’ll stick this size 18 foot straight up your [censored] ass.”
Wearing a pair of sunglasses and sipping from a dark bottle containing what he simply called “Bird Juice,” Big Bird broke into a fit of laughter. “I’m sick of this. You know that? Everyday, I have to put up with whiny brats, diva guest stars, and [censored] Oscar the Grouch. Have you ever smelled that thing’s breath? It’s like he went down on a dead squid.”
Later in the interview, he interrupted Lauer during a question regarding what letter comes after “M” to go on a tirade. “In ancient cultures, I was worshiped as a god. Indians called me a [censored] “thunderbird.” I have Charlie Sheen blood in my veins, man. I’m a rock and roll warlock with an eight ball of coke for a heart. My feathers will grant you fertility.”
When Lauer tried to calm Big Bird, the Sesame Street performer told him to “shut the [censored] up and listen to the Bird. Okay? Jesus [censored] Christ!” He then stood, threw his chair at a cameraman, and stormed off set.
PBS immediately released a statement stating that Big Bird has been “struggling with substance abuse and will be entering a rehabilitation program today.”
Brad C. Hodson is a writer living in LaLa Land. His novel DARLING will be released on October 26th from Bad Moon Books (http://www.badmoonbooks.com). To see more of his work, check out his Bibliography. You can also follow him on Twitter@BradCHodson.
The following is a post that originally appeared on author Benjamin Kane Ethridge’s site. Check out the Bram Stoker Award winner’s work here: http://www.bkethridge.com/WORK.html
THE WAR ON HALLOWEEN
Brad C. Hodson
Imagine it’s the eighties. An overweight only child, one parent dead and the other in prison, sits in front of the television in his laboratory goggle sized glasses while a cool autumn breeze kicks up leaves outside. He repositions to put his shadow between the soft orange light sneaking through the window and his television, where the setting sun’s glare might obscure Dracula as he welcomes Jonathan Harker into his home.
The child waits for the sun to set completely. That’s when the fun begins. For this one night every year, he can don a costume, joining the community as he bounds around from house to house, enjoying candy and meeting the neighbors. Halloween is a month long festival for him, a buildup of movies and TV specials and school decorations that eventually culminates in this one night where the world seems more vivid, more alive, than it ever has. For him, and for most children, Halloween is a highlight of his year.
Hell. Yes. Read More
In the mood for some Halloween fare? Of course you are. All month long, the Horror Writers Association will be hosting HALLOWEEN HAUNTS on their blog. Every day there will be a new blog post (sometimes two) that’s pure Halloween goodness. As the site says:
Those of you who were brave enough to spend Halloween with the horror writers on this blog last year have an idea of what to expect from Halloween Haunts. This year we have an even bigger lineup of posts, excerpts, and giveaways to make October fun and help horror readers connect with some of today’s top horror writers. Authors such as Linda Addison, Allyson Bird, Charles Day, Benjamin K. Ethridge, J.G. Faherty, Brad Hodson, Joe McKinney, Lisa Morton, Stefan Petrucha, John Skipp, Hugh Sterbakov, John D. Taff, Patrick Thomas, Rocky Wood, and many others have all contributed posts or interviews to bring you a daily dose of treats for this Halloween season. And if you’re a horror writer reading this and you’re not yet a member of the Horror Writers Association, I hope Halloween Haunts will entice you to check out the HWA and consider joining. The HWA offers writers many benefits, including mentoring, networking, market news, and professional resources, and it presents the annual Bram Stoker Awards®.
Notice that Brad Hodson guy listed there? I hear he’s all right…
So mosey on over to http://www.horror.org/blog/ and spend the month with us strange and interesting folk on the dark side…
We live in a world of remakes. All of our favorite movies and TV shows as kids are being remade, usually with horrifying results. This is a recycled society. Anything is fair game for the maw of Hollywood to chew up and swallow before tickling its throat with a feather in the bathroom of a WeHo diner and vomiting it back up. I mean, really, who does she think she’s kidding? We all know she does it. Bitch.
Oh. Sorry. What was I talking about?
Music, however, has been one arena where covers are not only accepted by fans, but often welcomed. Since the dawn of recorded music, we’ve been thrilled when our favorite artist tackles a song we loved from years before. Hell, I’m sure this goes back even further, with Hesiod clapping along to that new rendition of “Song of Gilgamesh” all the kids were humming.
Often, though, covers lead to abominations. Anyone remember Madonna’s version of “American Pie?” Let me refresh your memory:
But usually, even when we love a cover, it rarely comes close to the original.
With a few exceptions, that is.
So here are five cover songs that take the original out back and sock it around a while.
A new study shows that the top issues discussed by both Republican and Democratic Presidential candidates are the economy and the possible rising of Cthulhu.
Dr. Herbert West, a Professor at Miskatonic University in Massachusetts, has spent the last four months compiling data from every speech, interview, and press statement made by both the Obama and Romney camps. “What I found,” West said, “is that, beyond gay marriage, abortion, or any other hot button topic, the economy and Cthulhu have consistently been addressed more than any other issue.”
For most voters, the study shouldn’t be surprising. While there has been considerable media time devoted to other topics, the party platforms for both candidates emphasize the two major issues.
President Obama, speaking at the Democratic National Convention last night, drove home again and again that the two issues are deeply related.
“Job growth is on the rise,” the President said to the cheers of a packed crowd. “Health care is now available for everyone, regardless of pre-existing conditions. The private sector is bouncing back from Wall Street’s mismanagement. And the nightmare corpse-city of R’lyeh is still buried at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean. Things are on the upswing but Americans have to keep fighting.”
“If Cthulhu were disturbed, it would mean disaster for both the American job market and the economy at large,” the President added.
The remark was seen by many as a rebuttal to Republican candidate Mitt Romney’s plan as laid out at the Republican National Convention in Tampa. Romney’s plan emphasized the current Administration’s roll in the recession and calls for a preemptive military strike against R’lyeh.
Republican Vice-Presidential candidate Rep. Paul Ryan, speaking to reporters from a campaign stop in Kansas City, said of the President’s speech:
“If the economy is doing so well, Mr. President, why are more and more Americans finding themselves out of work? We need to do something, something strong and something fast, to make certain we don’t tip beyond the point of no-return. The President is obviously living in a fantasy world, a world in which layoffs aren’t occurring at a frightening rate and Cthulhu will continue sleeping for thousands of years.”
Not everyone is convinced with either party’s platform or their commitment to economic growth. Occupy Wall Street protesters have demonstrated at both the RNC and DNC, claiming that corporations too deeply influence either party to illicit real change and that Nyarlathotep is of far greater concern than Cthulhu.
Neither candidate’s camp commented upon what threat, if any, Nyarlathotep poses.
“The issues haven’t changed much since the 2000 election,” Professor West said. “Yet the divide between the parties has grown ever wider. At least Bush and Gore could find some middle ground, both with job growth and the fact that something had to be done about [evil wizard] Voldemort.”
“It makes me long for the past,” West went on to say. “For a purer time, a simpler time. It makes me wish I could travel back in time or reanimate the dead.”
According to Dr. West’s research, most Americans feel the same.
Brad C. Hodson is a writer living in Los Angeles. His new novel, DARLING, is available from Bad Moon Books. Check out the Bibliography page to see where you can read his short fiction or watch some films he’s written.